he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
