I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
