Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
