I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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