I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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