im having a threesome with these popsicles
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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