Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
