I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
