I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
