i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
