I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
