Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
