I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
