I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
