K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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