Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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