Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
