ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
