Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
