If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
