I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
