im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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