You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
