He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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