the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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