Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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