yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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