If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
