i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
