When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
