She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
