I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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