i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
