sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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