my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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