There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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