i think my tv is drunk
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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