rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Shame - the story of my life.
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