My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I want a musical about memes.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
