Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
