he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
