She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
