just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
