I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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