Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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