Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
