My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
