I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
