She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
