I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
