Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
