Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
