I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
