he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
accomplished twins. life is a go
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
