Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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