Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
