I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
