I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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