kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
