I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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