i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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