Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
