Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize