I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
