im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
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You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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