just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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