Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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