I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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